Business Correspondence Critique
Business Letter
29 January 2009
Mr. Chan Jack Kie
Blk 110A Rivervale Crest
#03-121 Singapore 001110
Dear Mr. Chan,
Thank you for taking the time to speak to me yesterday concerning our employment opening. I have reviewed your work history, educational background, and goals.
I appreciate your honesty and open-mindedness during our conversation but feel that your credentials are not an appropriate match for the current open position. Many applications have been reviewed and another applicant has been selected for this position.
If you would like to apply for another open position within the company, you may feel free to do so at any time. Your application will be placed on file for 90 days.
Please accept my best wishes for the future.
Yours sincerely,
Lee Lily (Ms)
Manager (Human Resource)
Critique
Firstly, the format of the letter was appropriate. The required fields such as the recipient’s address and name, salutation, complimentary close and the sender’s name were stated accurately. However, there was no subject heading for this letter for turning down a job candidate.
Although this letter serves to inform the recipient of the negative news that he was not being offered the job, the recipient was not put down tartly and courtesy was maintained throughout the letter. Take for instance, the writer stated her thanks and appreciation for the writer in the first and second paragraphs.
The language of this letter was formal and grammatically correct, reflecting well on the writer’s credibility as a professional.
This letter has obeyed that rule of completeness too. It informed the reader that the recipient was allowed for another job application as well as stated the time frame that his application will be placed on file.
On the other hand, this letter was not concise to a certain extent. Instead of beating about the bush, saying that many applications were reviewed and the recipient’s credentials was not appropriate for the job, the writer should have just write in a straight-forward manner that she regret to inform the recipient that he has not been successful in his job application.
All in all, this letter still conveyed its message clearly and the sentences were logically linked such that the reader can easily understand the content.
Mario replied:
Hi Wan Yee,
First of all thanks for sharing this letter. =P I think this is good sample letter.
I totally agree with you that the letter most of the 7Cs of writing and the principles of business correspondence (I assume there’s a letterhead yup). I like the way the writer ended off- it was courteous as well as leaving the door of opportunity for the recipient.
On the other hand, you mentioned that the letter wasn’t concise. However, I perceived it from another angle. I felt that the writer sought to build a kind of buffer before conveying the bad news. In addition, the writer was trying to be accountable to the recipient. Therefore, I considered it as having completeness.
My two cents worth.=P
Regards,
Mario
February 17, 2009 at 1:12 pm. Permalink.
Benjamin replied:
Hey WanYee,
this is indeed a very well-written letter. I have to agree with Mario in that I feel the writer was applying the technique of sandwiching bad news between good. Specifically, Ms Lee mentioned how Mr. Chan impressed her during the interview, before delivering the bad news, yet still ended off on an upbeat note by inviting Mr. Chan to apply for another job within the company. Even the statement about having “reviewed your work history, educational background and goals” was placed there to assure Mr. Chan that his application had been seriously considered, and not rejected out-of-hand.
I feel that the lack of a subject heading actually fits the overall tone of the letter well. The letter was not really written as a business correspondence, but more of a personal letter from a HR Manager to a job applicant. A business letter would use the royal “We” very often, as opposed to this letter which was written very much from the first-person perspective – “I appreciate”, “my best wishes” and so forth.
Overall, I appreciate the fact that some thought and consideration had gone into the writing of this letter, even though the company will probably never hear from me again. I feel that they value me as an individual, even though they did not hire me, and successfully cushioned the blow of missing out on the job opening.
Thanks for putting up this letter, though. It’s a really good example of how to deliver bad news, and I think this is a helpful skill to pick up.
Regards,
Ben
February 18, 2009 at 9:41 am. Permalink.
jay replied:
Hi Wanyee,
Indeed a courteous letter with a general tone of politeness. The writer managed to create a good buffer before breaking the bad news. However, though the writer tried to compliment the reader, I feel that the writer could have been more encouraging than directly saying that his credentials did not match the job. The letter was not also so concise (for example, “work history, educational background, and goals.” could have been written as “resume”). However, the letter acheived its completeness as sufficient details were given to explain the situation to the reader (for example, the number of days his application will be placed on the file was mentioned). Overall,a good letter which has applied the 7Cs I must say!
Cheers,
Jay
February 19, 2009 at 10:34 pm. Permalink.